The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Neigh: One Pony's Journey
- marti mcginnis
- 7 days ago
- 4 min read
Let's get one thing straight: I never set out to be a buckaroo. In fact, I'm pretty sure Goldie - my ever-suspicious, stripe-pole-hating Mexican campo pony - never finished the paperwork on this type of partnership. Yet here we are: A snack-hoarding gringa and her paranoid pony prancing into competition tests… praying we don’t become a cautionary meme.
The buckaroo tradition began in the early 1800s when the American Southwest was still Mexico, born from vaqueros who blended Spanish horsemanship with the stubborn generosity of the high desert. These riders didn't conquer; they collaborated—with the land, their horses, and each other. Now, two centuries later, a retired Midwesterner and her skeptical pony are stumbling into that same tradition with our: questionable geometry, EU (equine union) mandated work slowdowns, and a bucket of cultural appreciation. This is how we preserve legacy. Featuring: heirloom-quality tack and Goldie’s director’s cut, ‘All These Jumps Are Out to Get Me.’ Bonus content includes: blooper reels of botched transitions and play-by-play commentary of my increasingly unhinged pep talks.
1. Our Buckaroo Roots: The Anti-Cowboy Rebellion
History Lesson (Now With 40% More Relevance) The American buckaroo wasn't just a fancy hat and longer reins. It was the original quiet quitting movement.
Vaquero Legacy: Mexican horsemanship meets Spanish flair, minus the colonial baggage. Basically horsemanship's best remix.
Anti-Imperialist Vibes: While cowboys became mascots for manifest destiny, buckaroos were just trying not to die in the desert with their horses. Priorities.
Community Over Ego: No lone rangers here—just people passing down rawhide braiding skills and the patience of saints.
Why This Speaks to Me As an American in Mexico, I'm painfully aware of my country's... complicated résumé. The buckaroo's humility feels like horsemanship without the historical hangover. (Also, their hats stay on in wind. Pure engineering marvel and stampede tie strings.)
2. Why The Buckaroo Philosophy Fits My Vibe
Cowboy vs. Buckaroo Mindsets
Cowboy: "Git 'er done!" (Translation: "Who needs feel when you have spurs?")
Disclaimer: The cowboy’s haste is not recklessness—it’s avant-garde problem-solving. Picasso had his Blue Period; cowboys have their "Hold My Beer" Era. Both are widely misunderstood.
Buckaroo: "Take the time it takes." (Translation: "Let's not give the horse PTSD, yeah?")
My Current Reality
Priorities:
Stay upright
Pretend I don't see Goldie pretending not to recognize jumps we've practiced 347 times
Maybe complete something resembling a circle
Life Hack: While America argues about [insert current dilemma]], I'm engaged in meaningful diplomacy—convincing one suspicious equine that no, the judge's stand isn't plotting against him. Probably.
3. Goldie & Me: Two Masterpieces in Progress
Our Professional Credentials
Goldie: Former campo pony. Trust issues consultant. Specializes in interpretive spooking and dramatic sighs.
Me: Enthusiastic amateur. Primary skill: carrot-based negotiation. Currently studying "How to Stop Confusing Your Horse."
Training Highlights
"The I've Never Seen This Obstacle Before" Routine (He has. 94 times.)
"Is That New?" Goldie's award-winning performance art piece about familiar objects
Breakthroughs: When he tolerates my existence. Chef's kiss.
Philosophy "We'll get there when Goldie decides we're getting there. His union rep (the ranch tiger cat) says breaks are mandatory."
4. Our Kit: Where Tradition Meets Trial-and-Error
The Saddle Handmade in León by actual artists who laugh politely at my Spanish. Not just tack—a love letter to Mexican craftsmanship.
The Headstall & Bit
One-ear design because Goldie believes symmetry is overrated
Currently testing a "comfort" snaffle (comfort for whom remains debated)
The Fashion
Vintage pearl-snaps (because dressing well is the easiest part of this)
Fringed chinks (practical AND fabulous—the mullet of equestrian gear)
Buckaroo hat with milagros (each representing a prayer for survival)
Why This Works
Respects tradition without playing dress-up
Supports actual artisans instead of Amazon
Goldie-approved (his exact rating: "Less terrible than expected")
5. Why We're Winning (By Our Own Standards)
Our Victories
That one time we completed a pattern without Goldie auditing the jumps first
When the judge smiled despite everything
Being the crowd favorite for "Most Likely to Have Interesting Outfits and Questionable Geometry"
The Real Goal A partnership where Goldie tolerates me, I laugh at myself, and we both get extra snacks for showing up.
Final Thought These days when people ask about current events, I just sigh and say "I'm focused on more important negotiations"—like whether Goldie will acknowledge that poles can exist in his orbit today. His trust issues may be legendary, but at least they're honest. Unlike my attempts to explain dressage geometry.
[YELP REVIEW: WORKING EQUITATION EDITION]
Reviewed by Goldie (1.5 stars)
PROS
Crowd Support (5/5): The humans who cheered deserve raises
Snack Potential (2/5): Arena snacks were theoretical, not actual
CONS
Jump Design (0/5): Stripes are clearly a psychological experiment
Fake Plants (1/5): At least three could have been snakes
Exit Options (Blocked): My polite departure was denied. Rude.
FINAL VERDICT"Barely survived. Would not recommend (but might reconsider with premium carrots)."
[OFFICIAL MANAGEMENT RESPONSE]
From: The Carrot Dispenser
We appreciate your feedback and apologize for:
The "decorative" poles (now banned)
The suspicious plants (now carrying identification)
Your thwarted escape attempt (per Union Rule 12.3)
Compensation includes:
Double carrots
A signed apology from the scariest jump
"I Survived" stickers for your saddle pad
Final Rating of Goldie: 5/5"Still our favorite diva. Would train again (with hazard pay)."
Comments