Not A Tidy Year
Updated: Mar 15, 2021
A Weird Anniversary
I have arrived at the one year mark of personally coping with the repercussions of Covid. I knew when I committed to paying close attention to the guidelines of people more knowledgeable than me on the topic of staying safe during this pandemic that there were changes coming. What I didn't know at the beginning of self-quarantining for two weeks just how long this was going to stretch on. None of us did.
Two weeks became a month, then two months, and then through the present season and then through the next season 'at least'. You know all this. You have lived it, too. Maybe you've even experienced Covid's more dire consequences firsthand. And there are so many consequences. Cultural, societal, familial, personal. So much death. So much loss. So much change.
And then the controversies! Science has been unable to quell all the fear. Religion, already straining under heavy loads of doubt and the brittle constraints of its own conceits has likewise fallen short in offering guidance or comfort in ways large enough to accomodate evolving hearts. We have suffered.
But so many, maybe even a majority as we continue going onward, have adapted, evolved, and found ways to survive and even thrive in these exceptional times. Not me. No way. Not at first. I was petrified. I checked up on the global death toll several times a day, followed pandemic updates almost hourly and lamented every darn worst case scenario that floated into view, and there were (and continue to be) many.
The Old Buzz
About a month in, the novelty of staying safe in personal lockdown mode had worn into a patina of new-normalcy. A natural introvert, I discovered I wasn't much missing all the buzz and effort of in=person social engagements. The Zoomed book club, art meetings and classes I was offering or taking seemed to be pretty good facsimiles of real life social contracts. Not perfect, no. There's a digital feel to relationships, a sort of not exactly real-life quality, but I'm able to maintain important connections.
One of the bonuses of these strange times is how easy it is to let slip away those people that have offered something other than the healthy qualities of an important relationship. Another is how good connections can be made with people who until now were somewhat hidden by the business of the old ways. We have been free to really feel our feelings about others. We've had so much time, and so little outside input, except for Netlfix binges, of course, lol.
I watched start to finish:
Friday Night Lights
This Is Us
Gilmore Girls and
Call My Agent and more
go ahead, tell me what you binged on in the comments!
Coping and Hoping
From the beginning I knew I was going to have to be flexible with how I took in information and how I related to the world at-large, from close in on out into the grand scheme of things. I intuited that being ready to become something new was going to be an important part of adapting to this ever fluid situation.
Deep within me I understand that the uncertainties and disquieting aspects of a world seemingly in chaos requires an openness to allowing for changes in my own thinking, expectations and how I see the world around me. I have to allow for a dis-integration of my interior parts in order for them to be available for re-integration under these more fluid next times. The ones that are re-assembling all over the world, throughout cultures, business, every-day life, travel, you name it!
After setting up and taking a series of creativity classes during the first 6 months of pandemic time I then made a conscientious effort to acquire new ways of looking at existing ideas. I have participated in an online class organized by the people of Findhorn. "Living The New Story: Myth, Magic and Miracles" has brought together some of the deepest thinkers of our time who, for the past 7 months, have shared insights on how to rebuild - from the inside out - a new way of looking at the current challenges that resonated with every single participant from all around the globe (we are 50 countries strong!). And though I am still in gentle germination allowing big ideas, cosmic thought and limitless love help me build my next steps, I can tell you with certainty I am hopeful for what's next and my role in helping to envision and create that. This is despite relentlessly dreadful projections from today's more popular news sources. Eventually I had to do a full stop on any more focused on inciting fear, hate or panic than informing an audience desperate for unbiased information.
I'm a month or two away from receiving a vaccine here in Mexico, which means I've got another month or two of staying super careful about my movements. Yet there is an air of hope that has started working its way into the global zeitgeist, though suffering continues and the old problems need our full attention immediately. But even as close as a month ago there is no way I would have been able to create a drawing like this nor process and present the confused jumble that was the typical internal patter of my thoughts during the last twelve months. A successful day for me for most of these times was passinga a day with maybe only 12 hours of full-on despair. Now I can go a whole day. I guess all that despondency was taking up a big space in my thoughts. I really couldn't think straight. I'm not done evolving yet. In fact my germination process has really only just begun. But I'm starting to feel like I'm becoming.